Dating Difficulties
Navigating the world of dating, especially online dating, can bring up a multitude of emotions. Whether you’re searching for a committed partnership or something more casual, dating can be rife with rejection, lack of connection, and miscommunication.
Will I ever meet the right person for me?
If you’re looking for a committed partnership, you may find yourself wondering if you will ever find the right person to commit to. You may have experienced painful rejections or date after date where you’re just not clicking with the other person. Perhaps you’ve experienced very promising starts to relationships only to have them go nowhere. Disappointing or hurtful dating experiences can reopen wounds from our past and even lead us to question our desirability, lovability, or worth.
If you have an insecure attachment style, ingrained patterns of relational avoidance or anxiety may lead you to pursue a succession of unavailable relationship partners. You may also find yourself — often unconsciously — sabotaging potentially healthy and secure relationships.
Noah for instance, often gets anxious and “clingy” when he feels like a new partner may be pulling away. Instead of bringing potential partners closer, this anxiety and need for reassurance often pushes them away. Abigail, meanwhile, feels uncomfortable with too much closeness and will often find herself nitpicking or getting easily turned off by potential partners. Although she dreams of an ideal and “perfect” soulmate partner who will sweep her off her feet, all of her past relationships lasted a short time and ended because she felt suffocated. When Noah and Abigail talk to their friends about these failed relationships, their friends mostly side with them (e.g., “You can do better anyway! They weren’t good enough for you.”) instead of shining a light on the behaviors that are preventing them from forming committed, healthy relationships.
Online dating and “swiper’s fatigue”
How can therapy help?
Dating apps can be exhilarating. The hit of dopamine you receive when you match with someone you’re attracted to is what makes dating apps addictive (and very successful). Dating apps can also be monotonous and a “time suck.” You may swipe mindlessly to pass the time or feel like you have to keep swiping or else you’ll miss out on your perfect partner. You may swipe when you feel lonely or sad in order to receive validation. You may also find yourself juggling multiple monotonous getting-to-know-you conversations that mostly fizzle out. In some cases you may be repeatedly contacted by people you aren’t interested in or sent sexually explicit content without your consent.
If you’ve spent a period of time on the apps without success, you may be feeling hopeless about the possibility of finding love any time soon. “Swiper’s fatigue” is a recently-coined phenomenon that entails feeling burned out due to the time-consuming, repetitive nature of online dating. Our therapists understand that the world of online dating comes with its unique pitfalls (including “swiper’s fatigue”) and can help you process these challenges.
If you, like Noah or Abigail, find yourself stuck in old ruts or patterns when it comes to your dating life, psychotherapy can help you create the change needed to build a relationship with a committed, emotionally available partner. Navigating the world of dating can be challenging and lonely, and although friends or family can be great to commiserate with, they may not give you the objective, constructive feedback and support needed to make meaningful change.
Our therapists can provide you with a safe and supportive environment to process the range of emotions that may arise as you navigate the dating world. Feel free to get in touch for a free 15 minute phone consultation.